Our Present
Understanding Your Relationship Expectations
Where your hopes meet reality—and grow from there.
“Expectations aren’t the problem—it’s the silence around them that creates the damage. This tool helps bring clarity, compassion, and correction to what we long for.”
— From the Bond Act Research Team
Why We Made This
You’ve probably heard people say, “Women expect too much these days” or “Her standards are too high.” But at the Bond Act, we believe the real issue isn’t the expectation itself—it’s knowing where it falls on the spectrum between realistic and unrealistic, and more importantly, understanding why that expectation exists in the first place.
We created this tool to help women reflect with honesty and insight on the deeper needs driving their relationship expectations. It’s not about lowering your standards—it’s about refining them so they support healthy, lasting, and fulfilling relationships.
What Is This Tool?
This is not a quiz or a test. It’s a mirror and a map. A mirror to reflect on the emotional truths you carry, and a map to show how you can move from disappointment to clarity.
It’s called the Expectation Realism Matrix—a practical guide built around core relationship needs (like security, love, growth, and belonging) and how women often express these needs in ways that range from highly realistic to highly unrealistic.
You’ll see:
Your expectations in context
The psychological drive behind them
Why some hopes feel consistently unmet
And what to aim for instead—something meaningful and attainable
How to Use It
Scroll to the Matrix: Start at the matrix below and read through expectations you relate to.
Pause and Reflect: Don’t rush—ask yourself, “Is this something I’ve assumed without questioning?”
Rethink the Expectation: Use the final column to consider a healthier or more grounded interpretation.
Apply it: Try rewriting a dating profile, changing a conversation starter, or shifting how you evaluate compatibility.
Your Expectations Matrix
| Core Need | Level of Expectation Realism | Example Expectation | Why It’s Often Unrealistic (or Realistic) | Reframed Healthier Outlook / What to Look For Instead |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Security | Most Realistic | Partner is financially responsible and plans long term | Many people can live within their means, budget, and think about the future | Look for consistency, savings habits, and goal-setting behavior—not just income or status |
| Moderately Unrealistic | Partner must already own a home or land | Ignores context like age, background, inflation, or student debt | Look for a shared vision of stability—e.g., building together, working toward ownership | |
| Highly Unrealistic | Partner must be a millionaire or own multiple properties | Less than 1% globally fit this—can turn dating into a hunt for status symbols | Focus on financial compatibility, emotional security, and upward trajectory | |
| Love/Connection | Most Realistic | Partner regularly expresses affection and listens | Healthy communication is a teachable and developable skill | Look for effort, responsiveness, and interest—not perfection |
| Moderately Unrealistic | Partner always knows what I need without me saying | Unrealistic to expect mind-reading; sets both parties up for failure | Seek open conversations, clear expression of needs, and willingness to meet halfway | |
| Highly Unrealistic | Partner never makes me feel lonely or misunderstood | Every relationship has moments of emotional disconnection | Look for a partner who works through misunderstanding with grace and effort | |
| Growth/Esteem | Most Realistic | Partner supports my career or personal development | Encouragement and mutual respect are core to growth | Look for alignment in ambition, encouragement, and emotional investment |
| Moderately Unrealistic | Partner must have the same level of education | Education ≠ intelligence or value alignment | Value curiosity, humility, willingness to grow, and mutual respect for each other’s path | |
| Highly Unrealistic | Partner must be globally successful or well-known | Chasing prestige often masks insecurity or comparison anxiety | Look for passion, self-mastery, and authenticity in how they pursue their calling | |
| Belonging | Most Realistic | Partner prioritizes time for the relationship | Time and presence can be negotiated and mutually agreed upon | Look for intentional scheduling, quality time, and mutual prioritization |
| Moderately Unrealistic | Partner must spend every weekend with me | May not allow for healthy independence or personal boundaries | Create space for connection and individuality—trust is built in absence, too | |
| Highly Unrealistic | Partner must cut off all opposite-sex friendships | Driven by insecurity, not actual risk | Build relational security on trust, transparency, and boundaries—not control |
One Step Deeper
Journal Prompt: Choose one row that triggered you the most. Why do you think it stirred something?
Bond Act Score: Rate your top 3 expectations on a realism scale from 1 (realistic) to 6 (unrealistic).
Conversation Starter: Ask a friend: “Have you ever expected something in a relationship that just wasn’t fair to the other person?”
Share Your Story: Describe a time you adjusted an expectation and how it impacted your relationship—help others learn from your experience.
Closing Thoughts
Relationships are the heartbeat of our communities and the foundation of Africa’s future. By understanding and refining our expectations, we strengthen not only our personal bonds but the social fabric that binds families, neighborhoods, and nations together. Use this tool as your compass toward clarity and compassion—because when women and their partners align in realistic, respectful expectations, everyone wins.
Ready for More? Explore these resources next: